Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Why is it just when I think things are going to settle down, they don't?  My father's GF (who is 20 yrs younger and was with him for 11 yrs) decided to call her son and asked to move back to Illinois, without mentioning this to my father, he was devastated!  She tried to deny it; however, her son had called while I was at my father's house and I answered the phone and he told me.  When I inquired about she told me I was lying and asked "who said that", when I told her "your son" she immediately became quiet as a church-mouse .. my response was "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive" (Sir Walter Scott).  I could believe it and my father cried, my question was "why didn't you say something" no response.

Since then I've been busy, she left.  I had to place my father in a care home, am in the process of cleaning the house to sell, and to top it off my BFFL (50 yrs) and "almost-sister" was diagnosed with CANCER.  

Here's how I feel right now, as expressed to my dear sweet friend, Susan N.

I think that is why I appreciate Susan N so much!  She and i have been through thick and thin (both for over a decade) with our parents. I just wish I understood why when things get tough people 'go away' ~ when I know people are going through difficult times I'm always right there (*whether you want me or not) no matter what. Why is that? Are they that afraid (in the back of my mind I think they are), but why? 

I lost my husband 16 years ago and that same year experienced the deaths of  4 other family members and 2 friends.  Since then I've been to hospice another 6 times (12 in 16 yrs), with the last being 2 years ago when my Beloved Sister "Yvonne Mae" passed away at 72 years of age, Lord, I miss her so!

God does put me through his paces and as one woman I know said to me recently "it's a lot but you seem to be able to handle it well". IN reality, I don't want to be able to handle it!!!!

Reminds me of the old song "Tracks of my Tears" 

People say I'm the life of the party,
'Cause I tell a joke or two.
Although I may be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue.

So take a good look at my face
You see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears.

Why do people not see the tears that my friend Susan and I cry?

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